I’ve always thought of myself as fairly average. Average in looks, intelligence, size, speed, strength, personality, capabilities… in life. A person with great ambition and mind full of dreams but nothing to back it up with. Someone who will always be a dreamer, living in obscurity, mindful only of his own well-being. Average. It’s actually rather ironic, because I hate being bored. That is to this day the one thing that hasn’t changed through 26 years, I hate boring. I dislike a bunch of things, like people cutting me off in traffic, long lines at the supermarket or obnoxiously loud people. It’s not difficult to rustle my jimmies, but it takes a lot to piss me off. With all of this in mind, I was bound to end up disappointed. In life, relationships, work, but most of all, myself. I would live with regrets and that’s something I can’t do. This was me, almost 7 years ago today, fresh out of high-school, with eyes full of hope and a heart that is yet to be corrupted.

Before packing up my shit and moving to Australia I lived with my parents. I got to be a dumb kid for 19 years. The last three I spent mostly watching movies. I remember being proud of watching approximately a thousand movies in three years. That was my dream – to write, direct and produce movies. Go to Hollywood and be a superstar. By the time I started looking for universities, the ones I was interested in, were gone. I kind of hung around for the summer and when autumn started, I got my first “JOB.” I’d done bits and pieces here and there, working camps for kids (a lot more fun than it sounds) but never anything official. I did that for a month and I already felt, how my life is going in the opposite direction.

One night, when I was sitting behind my computer, I started talking with IVAN. He was already in Australia, slaying kangaroos and living life. The stories I heard from him, clicked with me. It was fun, it sounded incredibly fun. Since I had literally nothing else going for me, I chose to go. In the next hour he told me everything I needed to know. From how to get the visa, the tickets, the chest X-ray, all the steps to salvation, to my personal freedom. Only a month later I was on a plane and on my way there. To everyone’s surprise and most of all, my own. I had not heeded the warnings of my peers or elders, but chose my own path. I chose to go to Australia and with that, the first part of my life’s journey was over.

“Kuid meheks iial sa ei saa kui pole olnud ajateenija” roughly translates “you won’t become a man until you’ve done your military service.” It’s mandatory in Estonia and is considered by tradition to be the time, when boys turn to men. One year of mandatory imprisonment for the service of history. I never had to go, because of my eyes. So Australia became my correction officer, my guide on becoming a man.

I still believe that I was an idiot for not doing enough research going in. I landed, unpacked and partied. That was literally my first few days. I was “actively” looking for work, but the adult brain in me hadn’t kicked in yet. Without money, one does not “live” in a modern society, hence money is important. Thank god I learnt that the hard way. Nothing really hits harder than being without work, money, food or a place to live. When you’re trying to fall asleep in a washing cubicle that you snuck into. When you’ve assumed that fetal position, pondering your mistakes in life. Wet, cold and uncomfortable, heavy rains and thunder booming on the shit roofing. Those are the moments, when you’re given a choice. Are you going to accept this or do something about it? Because nobody hits harder than life. So get up and keep going.

I choose not to regret mistakes. They are necessary for growth. Without that experience, I wouldn’t be here today. Through all of those hardships that we went through in Kalgoorlie, I became a man. Those three months were my rite of passage into adulthood. Could I have done it without all of the excessive suffering I put myself through? Definitely. Most of the people I know have “successfully” integrated into adult life. The training wheels will come off eventually, mine just didn’t get through airport customs.

When this is your bed for the night, you know you fucked up.

I’m the type of person that needs three main components in life to work and everything else will fall into place around it.
WORK – I need to have a stable job with a decent income. Putting in extra effort, to reach higher is always important. No chance of promotion/pay raise, no chance of me working there.
PEOPLE – Friends, family etc – seems rather self-explanatory.
PASSION – aka a hobby. I always have a thing I’m in love with. It started with math when I was a little shit, carried over to movies in my teens and in Australia we had a blog. My passion was writing, entertaining people and it still is. Eventuality will catch up to all of us.

My name is GLive and this is The Blog.

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