Search and Destroy

New beginnings are always the hardest. I’m sure this goes for anything – training, writing, studying, working and so on. It’s because You’re just not used to these new things, new rules and new motions. Over time You turn this your new thing into a routine by putting in more and more effort. Your body needs routines to function. Your routines are either good or bad for You. Up until my recent break-up with X, I’ve mostly had bad ones going for me. Drugs I’m highly addicted to nicotine. I’ve been smoking for almost 10 years now. And that’s not even the only substance problem I’ve got. Hell some people would actually say that I’ll do any drugs that I get my hands on. Harder party drugs are more distant acquaintances for me, while weed has been a close friend of mine for nearly a decade. There are some periods in my life, that weed has helped me manage. Also lots of times, when lighting a blunt has brought a crowd together and made everyone’s night. But it’s far from harmless. The problem with weed is that it clouds Your judgment. It makes You into a slob. And my future has no place for a lazy couch potato. No more weed. I really do love alcohol. I have no limits. I start with vodka and I normally end up mixing every alcohol together until either the party ends or I […]

Lesson learnt

Hi, my name is Glen Live. I’m 26 years old and I’ve entered the next stage in my life. I’ve categorized my life into 7 segments, the last being the one I’m currently in. They would be in order:The years of innocence, ages 1-6The bullied years, ages 7-10/11The bully years, ages 10/11-15Finding myself, ages 15-19Australia, ages 19-22The mistakes and lessons, ages 22-25Current, ages 25- There’s no set amount of time that has to pass for the segment to change. Sometimes there’s a cataclysm like event that progresses the story forward, but it’s not a given. They tend to happen, when in my head I’m ready to move forward. When I take the next step on my path. I’m on this new road ever since I went back to school. I’m going to entirely skip the innocent times, because there are stories there for another entry. What I am going to do is start from the second segment. Honestly, a lot of it is a blur. Some moments I can clearly remember, others are stories I’ve been told.. When I went to first grade, I knew nobody in my class since I had just moved. I was an ordinary, albeit a bit chubby kid, but nothing too distinctive or that’s what I thought. A few months later I would get glasses because of bad genes, that’s when everything changed.Raise you’re hand if you have ever heard or said it yourself that […]

Fearless

I used to be afraid of everything. I spent most of my teenage years sheltered. I believe it had something to do with my parents doing everything for me and never letting me solve any of my problems myself. I was gaming and watching TV shows day and night and only went out to go to school. I avoided as much contact with other people as I possibly could. I was one of those kids, that walked around places with their headphones on and tried to disappear into the mass. Deep down, however, I always felt like I’m preparing myself for what’s coming next. That this is all just a big training program for me. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Who knows. That whole sheltered lifestyle lasted until I turned about 16. That’s when I randomly signed up for a working summer camp. And no, it’s not like a Nazi concentration camp. It’s a Sovietic relic of a tradition in Estonia where older kids, mostly aged 13-19, can sign up and then get together to work for a minimum wage for some random countryside employer and have lots and lots of team-building exercises after work. And for the majority of them, also their first parties. That’s where my very first change took place, as I finally broke out of my shell. I finally connected with kids my age. Of course that was also where I had my first smoking […]

The Fairly Average

I’ve always thought of myself as fairly average. Average in looks, intelligence, size, speed, strength, personality, capabilities… in life. A person with great ambition and mind full of dreams but nothing to back it up with. Someone who will always be a dreamer, living in obscurity, mindful only of his own well-being. Average. It’s actually rather ironic, because I hate being bored. That is to this day the one thing that hasn’t changed through 26 years, I hate boring. I dislike a bunch of things, like people cutting me off in traffic, long lines at the supermarket or obnoxiously loud people. It’s not difficult to rustle my jimmies, but it takes a lot to piss me off. With all of this in mind, I was bound to end up disappointed. In life, relationships, work, but most of all, myself. I would live with regrets and that’s something I can’t do. This was me, almost 7 years ago today, fresh out of high-school, with eyes full of hope and a heart that is yet to be corrupted. Before packing up my shit and moving to Australia I lived with my parents. I got to be a dumb kid for 19 years. The last three I spent mostly watching movies. I remember being proud of watching approximately a thousand movies in three years. That was my dream – to write, direct and produce movies. Go to Hollywood and be a superstar. By […]

Into the Chaos

Every man was once a young boy, still untainted by the world. Every boy eventually goes through changes that shape them into men. I believe that I’ve just done it for the third time… My very first one was a regular high-school jock story. We’ll get to that. Let’s talk about the second one. It happened about 7 years ago, when my flatmate suddenly came up with a plan to conquer Australia. I was a 19-year-old high school dropout from Estonia, who had just spent a year binge-watching TV-shows and playing video games while smoking weed 24/7. Up to this point, I considered myself living the dream. I had a young girlfriend, who seemed to really love me. I was also working at a mall for minimum wage while hosting online gaming servers for other kids on the side. For their lunch money. I had also been lying to my parents for a year about me still going to the school. I had dropped out in the beginning of the school year. Life was fucking great. Yet something kept bothering me. After having worked in that supermarket for 3 years, I had watched hundreds of people doing their ordinary jobs and living their ordinary lives throughout the past 3 years. I could see in their eyes, that these people used to have dreams. They used to have potential. But time stops for no one, and so in these 3 years, […]