Search and Destroy

February 28, 2018 10:08 pm
IVAN
IVAN
Author

New beginnings are always the hardest. I’m sure this goes for anything – training, writing, studying, working and so on. It’s because You’re just not used to these new things, new rules and new motions. Over time You turn this your new thing into a routine by putting in more and more effort. Your body needs routines to function. Your routines are either good or bad for You. Up until my recent break-up with X, I’ve mostly had bad ones going for me.

Drugs
I’m highly addicted to nicotine. I’ve been smoking for almost 10 years now. And that’s not even the only substance problem I’ve got. Hell some people would actually say that I’ll do any drugs that I get my hands on. Harder party drugs are more distant acquaintances for me, while weed has been a close friend of mine for nearly a decade. There are some periods in my life, that weed has helped me manage. Also lots of times, when lighting a blunt has brought a crowd together and made everyone’s night. But it’s far from harmless. The problem with weed is that it clouds Your judgment. It makes You into a slob. And my future has no place for a lazy couch potato. No more weed.

I really do love alcohol. I have no limits. I start with vodka and I normally end up mixing every alcohol together until either the party ends or I pass out. I have survived some of the worst hangovers thanks to this. Sometimes death felt like it would’ve been an easier way out of some of them. I don’t want to stop drinking completely, as it is usually a necessary social activity. What I need, is to establish a limit for when I go out to a bar or a club. Say 2-3 drinks and I’m done. The hard part is sticking to this kind of a limit. My house mates in Finland drink and smoke daily, so this will be a real challenge for me.


Shape

I’m in a shitty physical shape. The last time I went to the gym was 6 years ago, in Australia with GLive, while stoned on 420. I have weighed 69kg’s for years and I’m 180cm (5’11”) tall. I’ve always been skinny, but now I’m slowly becoming skinny-fat with a dad-bod. That’s not what a 25-year old guy should look like. I have always looked at bigger guys in envy all the while thinking that I’ll never be that big and strong. The real reason why I’ve stayed in this small and weak form is because I’ve been too much of a pussy to really try to change myself. Well it’s time to try. Have you ever noticed how a lot of the women tell men that being chubby is okay, yet moments later, when a guy with a perfectly toned body shows up, they go bat-shit crazy? Well I have. I’ve never believed any of the pro-fat bullshit women spit at men. Fat is ugly and being in shape is sexy. It’s how it is. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And that’s where I wanna get to. I’m going to have to start building some real muscle to actually get in a better shape. Time to start bulking, begin exercising and building my body into a shape that I can be proud of.


Food

75% of my food can be labelled as carbage. I have no eating schedule. I have never eaten breakfast. I also make sandwiches for lunch and usually grab a pizza or some other fast food for dinner. My evenings are filled with potato chips, chocolate and candy. Frozen foods have become far too regular for me. I have a weakness for ice cream, so I buy it in 2L buckets. Soft drinks, including energy drinks, are another problem. I need to start respecting my own body and provide it with fresh & clean food. This means lots of YouTube courses to finally start cooking my own food. I will need to cut out all sugary drinks and stick to fresh water and coffee at work. In order to combine my eating routine with my training and working schedule, it needs to look something like this:
7am – a good breakfast after waking up,
10am – healthy snack,
12am – strong lunch with lots of meat,
2pm – healthy snack,
7pm – strong dinner with lots of meat,
10pm – possible healthy snack.


Sleep & Procrastination

I normally spend countless hours watching movies and playing video games. I get sucked into the endless pits of internet very easily. It’s pretty normal for me to find myself watching some fucked up videos from halfway across the world or end up reading a books worth of posts on internet forums. I don’t sleep properly because of this exact reason. On work days I mostly go to bed at 1-2am. During weekends I try to make up for it by binge-sleeping 12-15h straight. This means I’ve been sleep deprived for a long time. I do feel really tired all the time and that’s probably a result of all my bad habits added together. I need to set some time-limits for staying up and build myself some new routines to start sleeping efficiently. I will also try to manage my procrastination by actively looking for things to do around the house and find a way to lay off my social media addiction. Maybe read some books while I’m at it.


Independence

I’ve been in relationships for most of my adult life. It has been a never-ending roller-coaster, where I’ve ended up losing every time. The reason for this is a simple one – I still don’t have my own place. I’ve always been the one to move in with women. And then been the one to move out because somehow everything turned to shit again. I’ve been the one depending on other people and that’s not how any healthy relationship dynamics work. This needs to change. I need to finally take responsibility and buy my own home. It will take a while, but it needs to be done. Your home is Your castle, as they say…

The time to act is right now. I’m 25 years old. That’s a quarter of a century. I believe the peak-time for men actually comes after their 30s. So by starting my mission now, I should be ahead of the curve. I wanna be able to look at myself in the mirror and proudly think “Yeah, I’d definitely fuck me”. Currently I see nobody special in the mirror. Just a skinny weird dude. I want to become bigger, stronger and reach the peak of my physical and mental abilities. For that to happen I need to get my shit together. The goals are clear. It will be a long journey, but it’s a journey that I’ve never been on before. I’ve been setting everyone else’s wishes above mine for too many years and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. If I’m going to succeed in my mission to become a better man, I’m gonna have to break all those bad routines one by one and replace them with good ones…

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Lesson learnt
First Pleasure, Then Business

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