Rise of the Apes

This is a story of how one lifelong retard accidentally found his natural environment and stumbled into a heavily calculated and regulated sciency field – The Stock Market. A place where rational people grow their money by applying logic and smarts to their investments. A place that is also more corrupt than your everyday politics. In fact it might actually be the most corrupt scene in the World, as most people don’t know that they’re actively being ripped off. I’ve always pictured my future self as a millionaire. And so I had wanted to get into investing (crypto, stocks or currency) for years, but I’d always postpone my research because of it’s massive fucking learning curve. But this time was different – I had a nearly unlimited amount of time on my hands. And so I arrived there at a random moment in space and time, when a bunch of retards were gambling their life savings on one particular stock – GameStop ($GME). I’d heard bits and pieces of something big happening in the stock market a week or two earlier, but I’d sort of managed to miss the early train. Or so I thought…


You see I was focusing my tardi-vision on buying up virtual lands on Earth2.io – a game, where You’re literally using Your hard earned real life dollars to purchase imaginary land on a Google Maps grid. So after successfully locking down some early bird virtual land investments in E2, I reached a point where I now had to hold onto my virtual lands until the game devs had developed their game further. This meant that I was now back to scouring the internet for the next stupid money sink and so I stumbled into WallStreetBets. After ’a bit of research’ I was convinced that I gotta get into stocks. And it’s not like I’m an investor or like I’ve ever invested into anything meaningful, besides building the greatest bachelor pad ever. After witnessing some of the gains those apes were making, I was immediately sold. I mean their main man DeepFuckingValue turned his ~50k life savings into ~45m. That was just ridiculous and I loved it. Even though he wasn’t the only ape who turned a profit, he was the pioneer and had been preaching about GME being oversold for nearly a year.


After doing a ridiculous amount of research, I spent a day looking into different laws, taxes, investment apps and all kinds of fees. I decided to go with a well known Estonian bank, LHV, to keep my starting experience as simple as possible. Before I could even buy any stocks at all, they (the bank) had me do a simple quiz on some stock market terms and logic. Naturally I failed miserably, so every time I put in another buy order, the bank was reminding me that I’m a literal retard, who definitely shouldn’t be buying any stocks. I mean it’s great that they throw those pop-up reminders at me, but my monkey brain does whatever the fuck it was gonna do anyway.

Considering Your answers to our quiz, You do not have sufficient experience nor knowledge of all the risks that accompany the following instruments: Stocks and Equity funds. You may still make transactions with the aforementioned instruments at Your own risk, however, that may entail risks You’re not aware of. In order to reclassify You should acquire more experience and knowledge regarding these instruments.


Since most of my cash had been tied up in all my other stupid ideas, I only had around 2500EUR to spend. And because I had no idea what the fuck I was doing, I FOMO’d in during the January ‘sneeze’ with 8 GME @ $325 along with some AMC and NOK shares. AMC and NOK were similarly shorted, but nowhere near as heavily as GME. My first day the stock closed at $328.24. And then next day it tanked to $227, dropping even further in the after market. It was brutal. I had considered it a possibility, but had been hoping for an easy rocket ride to the Moon. I spent the entire next day browsing WSB reading strategies and gathering ideas. I quickly learned all about hedge funds artificially manipulating the price down by blocking trades, pushing fake news articles, ladder attacking the stock and using a million other cheat codes. These guys are the 1%. And they had really made a fucking terrible call trying to short GameStop to banktrupcy. After hours upon hours of panic-reading I realized the only option was to buy more. I was finally convinced, when GME tanked all the way to $90.21 that day. I mean the stock was basically on sale at this point. Only 1 problem with this genius idea – I had run out of available funds, meaning I was broke.

That’s just a taste of all the “Forget & Sell GME” articles the mainstream media kept pushing out… The only thing they succeeded in, was creating a massive Streisand effect.


But my conviction was strong. I was 100% certain that the HF’s are still stuck in the stock, as they were spending God knows how much money to push fake news articles stating that they were out of the game. If I was out, then why would I care if my opponents knew I was out? Unless I was still balls deep stuck in the mud and just trying to bluff millions of retards that I wasn’t… Hell, they even tried to convince everyone that the apes were now ‘targeting’ silver. Seriously? You’d have to be Putin to be able to move the price of silver. They were trying so fucking hard to turn the retail cashflow from GME and AMC to anything else. I realized this was an all in moment. And so I started scraping together the last of my available money.


My landlord had been watching all this from the sidelines and was rooting hard for the little guy. I told him I might need to max out my credit cards and use those funds to buy even more GME. He said he’d been there before and “You never fucking touch credit cards. And if I hear You did, I’ll personally slap the shit out of You.” And so I did what any obsessed idiot would do – I used some of that sweet sweet credit the next day and bought the dip. And oh boy did I time it right. I was able to buy another 48 GME at ~$95, bringing my average stock price down to ~$128. 


Anxiety was now taking over. I was barely sleeping thinking what a fucking idiot I was. Who the fuck uses credit cards to gamble on some highly volatile stock? Well this idiot, that’s who. I was now in that motherfucker with a total of ~6200 EUR/7500 USD. Riding it all the way to the Moon or lose everything. The funny thing here is that I’ve never actually been a rich man, so losing everything wouldn’t actually hurt me as much as that same scenario would hurt one of those hedgie billionaires. In fact I’m used to living paycheck to paycheck. I’ve been homeless once and I’ve got first hand experience on how fucking hard it can get. I’m not afraid to lose it all any more though. A spoiled billionaire could never survive a fall of that magnitude.


Over the course of the week or so the stock kept plummeting down. However I was now obsessed with being right. I had a bunch of people calling me an idiot, skitsofrenic, a fool and whatever other names. As if calling names ever budged an obsessed person, hahah. But I did have a ton of sleepless nights, where I’d wake up in the middle of the night just to check the price. The stock just kept dropping all the way to somewhere around $64. That seemed like a firesale to me, so I bought another 11. I was now holding 67 GME with a total investment of 6969 euros, granted I had already lost some money to transaction fees. My GME shares were now down nearly 50% since the beginning of my investing career 2 weeks earlier. I felt like I was driving on a highway and just chugging stacks of cash out the car window.


Because of the 18-hour time difference between Auckland and New York, I kept waking up around 3 – 4am every day just to be there for the market open. Even on my work days. I’d been barely sleeping for a while now. One morning I was being extra clever (retarded) and figured I’d set a sell limit of $555 on my stox. However my half asleep brain typed those numbers straight into the ‘Stop-loss’ box and finalized the deal. Ding! An email comes in notifying me of a successful sale of all my stonks. Cue the panic. What the fuck did I just do? Alright I’ll just buy them back. Nope. The app doesn’t let me. It says there’s just no available funds in my account. The bank was still transfering my losses over to me. Fuck! At this point I’m already ringing up my Estonian bank from my Auckland bed, asking them where my money’s at. I actually managed to get connected to their stocks manager who said the funds should now be available on my account. Fucking awesome service. Alright, it looked like it was working as it now let me finalize the purchase. The stock price had been dipping the entire morning, which meant I could potentially buy back even more shares. I was locked on that live stock price my entire drive to work. After clocking in at work, I caught the day’s price floor. Ended up buying my stocks back at $48,61. My life was finally complete, as I was now holding 69 GME @ 6969 euros. 


After all that shit, I figured I was going to be holding this heavy bag for the rest of my life, so I just went on with my life. Only I was completely broke now. No matter, I’ll just make more money. Funny how emotionally connected to your money you can be. For the next 2 weeks I only focused on work and gym. I couldn’t really do much on my off days, since I was fucking broke. Still caught up with friends, when I wasn’t busy gaming or binging on some Netflix.


At work I was probably the most unproductive person ever. I must’ve spent hundreds of hours researching the stock market, looking at all the amazing GME memes and just generally passing the time. I kept reading all the amazing DD, while ignoring FUD spreaders like fire – and trust me when I say that there was a lot of fear mongering and disbelief. It was psychological warfare at that point. I chose to ignore it all. A month later I was still keeping an eye on GME. It was the first and the last thing I checked every day. At this stage the stock price had been fluctuating in the $38 – $48 range for weeks. My emotional connection to the stock was gone. After weeks of looking at red, I just didn’t care any more. That money was gone for me. It had become another expensive lesson for me. I planned to hold my stonks to the grave and just went on with my life.


Jacked to the Tits


So You can imagine my surprise, when I woke up to a green spreadsheet one morning. It was a gamma squeeze initiated by DeepFuckingValue. He said he ‘liked the stock’ in front of the US Congress, then doubled down the next day and posted his position on WSB.


I watched GME boost all the way to around $200 that day. My heavy bags became real light for the first time in a month. Everyone was telling me to sell and get out now that I was finally ahead. But nah, for me that money was already gone. And so I kept holding. I knew it was gonna drop after that boost, but that moment of green did it’s job. All these apes and I were right about the incoming short squeeze. And the only thing we had to do was hold the stock. Seeing GME fall back into red had no effect on me now. Instead it was basically another fire sale at this point – last chances to grab it at these low-low prices. And so I bought another 4. I was now holding 73 GME @ 7435 euros. I know, I know, I ruined the perfect number combination…


Everything changed after that first green. My motivation was back. I was back to consuming all the fresh DD on Reddit and other platforms. Ever since that first bump to $200, the price started gradually rising from $10 a day to even $50-70 a day. 2 weeks later it got another major push to $370 until the shorts tanked it back down to $220+ range. It ended that week on $267. My €7435 / $8885 had turned into €16180 / $19335 at this stage. I was now holding onto my shares with a proper diamond death grip.


From there the shorts kept slowly pounding the price down $5 – $10 per day. Still ended that week at exactly $200. There was a lot of DD, that supported the $200 price mark being the most painful for the shorts. Meaning they were burning their cash pile harder than Joker in The Dark Knight. They couldn’t hit any calls or put chains at that price and probably wasted hundreds of millions on premiums alone. Didn’t cost me a single dollar to keep holding.


A week after that the shorts really tanked the price. They dropped it from the $200 range all the way to the sub-$120 range. That only lasted for a day tho. And because of the time zone difference I missed that juicy dip cuz I was sleeping. I was still able to grab another 4 GME @ ~$160 price tag. Bringing me up to a total of 77 shares @ €8000. I was now averaging up and that was totally fine. That week GME closed on $181.


Did You Forget About GameStop Yet?


I was now treating GME like my personal savings account. I kept feeding all my excess money into this endless black hole called GameStop, that I was constantly watching go up and down on a rollercoaster of charts. The psychological effect alone turned my life for the better. I felt like I’d found some sort of a new meaning to my life. If You’ve read this blog before, then You know how much I actually hate the grind itself. I despise it, but I still do it, cuz it’s necessary. We all have bills to pay and I’m no different. I’ve been a financial slave to our capitalistic system for years and I was fine with it. There hadn’t been any light at the end of the tunnel. In real life you need big boy money to be able to make more big boy money. But now all of a sudden that dream of being financially free was within my reach. All I had to do, was take a chance and fucking HODL like my life depended on it. And I’m an expert at taking chances. Hell, most of my life’s better achievements have always revolved around me taking huge risks. That’s just the only way to get ahead in life, when you’re from a middle class Eastern European family. I was taking extra shifts at work. I even put in extra effort to save more money. Money just became another tool for me to get more GameStonk. Fun fact – every time GME goes up, the rest of the market goes down.


Meanwhile the hedgies had been waging a non-stop war on all of the apes. Their only option for winning was getting the apes to sell all their shares. They used every dirty trick in the book. MSM pushed out hundreds of articles to try and make apes move on from GME. They must’ve spent hundreds of millions on FUD alone. But the apes weren’t having it. They bought out the subreddit /r/WSB with it’s 10m+ followers and even infiltrated the next subreddit /r/GME with their bs. The apes just moved on to another subreddit. /r/superstonk became the true ape fort. Apes disassembled every bit of false information and weeded out shills like there was no tomorrow. Around March was also when the hedgies started pumping and dumping the entire crypto market on a weekly basis. But still every time the hedgies shorted GME further down, the apes just bought more. Over time their attacks just became weaker. Apes were slowly winning. Have a look at this pathetically scripted bot convo.


Going Full Retard

When one of my work buddies invited me to Auckland’s only casino, I was keen as. I wasn’t thinking of losing money. I was thinking of all the tendies I was potentially gaining. So we both microdosed some blotters and jumped straight in. I’d been doing some sophisticated gambling for months now and compared to GME, the casino was like being on a fucking tutorial island. I’m not even a casino guy, so I didn’t know jack shit about any of the games. I tried a few of them, but my gut told me “Nah Renar, You’re a roulette guy”, so I stuck to that. My first night there I was only placing small bets. Just red or black. I kept hitting the right colours and because of that lucy I dropped earlier, I was glowing like an orb all night. People fucking notice that, cuz I had some dudes copying my bets in no time. I left that night with a cool $500 profit and a good feeling.


I used to love weekends. I couldn’t wait for the work week to end so I could start enjoying my time off. And I thought I’d never say this, but ever since I started investing in GME, I’ve fucking hated the weekends. The stock market is closed on the weekends. Monday became the new Friday for me. I was actually looking forward to every fucking Monday now. And because of my excessive saving, weekends became boring and annoying. But after that little casino event I felt like I’d found something to do on my time off.

And so as the next weekend rolled around, I called my buddy up like a proper casino addict. “Yo bro, let’s hit up SkyCity”. He was immediately sold. I think he’s got a gambling problem. We jumped straight in after another round of microdoses. This time I didn’t even look at anything else. Roulette’s my jam. I was strictly betting on my gut feeling and only doing $25 bets. I realised that 0/00 splits pay out 17x compared to the regular black and red double ups. I also felt like betting on numbers was too much of a gamble. And so I kept placing a $25 bet on a 0/00 split and another $25 on the next likely colour as a fallback plan. I kept losing my 0/00 bets, while hitting most of the colour bets. It was a matter of probability at this point. Took me around 4-5 spins until I hit my first 0/00 split. Boom, I was up at around $450. Time for a table change. Next table I hit another 0/00 split on my first spin. I was now at around $850. I couldn’t believe it. That should be statistically impossible. So I took a break from roulette to see how my buddy was doing at craps. He was losing badly. I showed him my gains and he decided to join me in roulette. Hit a new table. Boom! Another 0/00 split just 2 spins in. My buddy was ecstatic. But he decided to go back to losing his gains at craps and I found a new roulette table. A few spins in I hit another 0/00 split. The dealers were now looking at me like I’m rain man. A few people started copying my bets now. I was also glowing like an orb again while peaking. Took another break to get a few drinks and freshen up. My buddy was FOMOing hard when he heard I hit another split. I was up at around $1500 at this stage. So he joined me in roulette one more time. I found another table and a couple of spins in I hit another 0/00 split. God damn. That was the end of my streak too. I decided to cash out after a few wasted bets. I left the casino with a nice $1700 in my pocket that night. After rent, bills and next weekend’s roulette money, I had enough for another 6 stonks. So I bought the dip on Monday. I was now sitting on 83 GME.

That was also the last time I saw my coworker as he got fired shortly after. This prompted me to branch out for a new casino buddy. I met this cute Chinese chick at my former girl’s house party. That former girl of mine wanted to chase after some local guys (khm, khm, visa, khm), so I figured what the hell and took her flatmate out for a date. For our first date I took her to my new favourite place – the roulette table. Turned out she was quite the blackjack shark herself. I left the place another $500 richer that night. Walking back to the parking garage, we found out they actually closed it for the night. Boom, I was now homeless. Not the end of the world tho, I just knew I now had to really close this deal, so I took us dancing. It was a great date and she dropped me back to the garage in the morning. Ever since then she kinda became my casino girl. We went back a few times and those stacked small wins allowed me to grab another 5 GME.

Just a few sexy friends having a drink feat. Estralians


I had now made it to 88 stocks of $GME and felt like that was as far as I should go on this venture. In her words 88 is a lucky number too. Double infinity. I’d been kind of stashing every single one of my leftover dollars into GME for a few months now. And there were some new developments happening in my life. Over the course of the last 8 months, I’ve invested a total of €9627 or $11724 into my 88 GME shares.


GameStop held it’s annual shareholder meeting a few months ago and beat all prognosis for their quarterly earnings. Furthermore they’ve put together the biggest dream team ever seen, consisting of countless top Amazon, Chewy etc executives. People of that caliber don’t jump on sinking ships. They’re turning this failing brick and mortar chain around faster than Bolt can run 100 meters. Their latest achievements include and are not limited to: paying off their $216m long term debt, while raising $551m through stock sales without it affecting the stock price in April. They’ve successfully implemented same-day delivery, using app taxis and other methods (beating Amazon by far). And they’ve quite possibly figured out how to combine NFT technologies and crypto, making it possible to resell digital copies of video games. And after all that, they sold another 5m shares and raised another $1,13 billion cash for future developments. This company is nowhere near going bankrupt. In fact, if I had more money, I’d be buying even more.


I know how a few months back I tried to paperhand my GME for $555 per share. And I apologize. After learning everything about the entire situation, I would never paperhand my GME for spare change like that. The price is wrong and as long as we haven’t broken at least $1000 per share, the squeeze has not squoze. I’ve held through 3x gains a few times already and I will continue to hold as we go into thousands and tens of thousands. It doesn’t matter how long it takes. Even naked shorts have to cover. MoonSoon season is upon us! Eventually this massively overleveraged market will crash and that’s when GME will moon to the fucking stratosphere. I’m betting that this crash will be worse than 2008 ever was and the only thing that can insulate You from the fallout, is owning GME shares.

This is definitely not financial advice. I’m also pretty retarded, so I wouldn’t trust a single word coming out of my mouth. Do Your own research.



Crabs in a Bucket

Imagine You’re a crab. And some 2-legged giant just caught You on a morning stroll and threw Your unsuspecting ass right into a bucket. You’re now in that bucket prison with a few other unlucky crabs. After listening to Your new crab-buddy Bob moan about his wife for a few hours, You’ve finally had it. All You’ve been thinking about is, if this is really how it ends for You. The more You listen to this idiot blabber about his problems, the more You realize, that You just can’t take this shit any longer. You’re a free individual after all. You’ve got so much better shit to do than this. You need to get the fuck outta there…



King of Nothing

Have You ever had to spend a thousand hours doing nothing? Just being there, by Yourself, simply existing. The beginning is the hardest. First You’ll be overwhelmed by the amount of freedom You have. Your mind starts to race. You desperately start looking for new ways to entertain Yourself. To keep Your mind busy. You find Yourself procrastinating – playing mobile games, watching random shows. That’s when Your character comes into play. You either succumb to the nothingness and become that slob, who just exists or You realize that You’ve been handed an amazing opportunity to develop Yourself even further. With a strong enough will, You will break out of that procrastination cycle and actually do something with Your time. Most people never do that. Most people just become those slobs…



The Incident

By now You’ve read our fucked up stories about how we used to drive around the great land down under using just our national ID-cards as driver’s licences. At one point, the situation became absolutely absurd for me. As You may recall, some evil cunt broke into The White Sabre and stole my passport, along with other things, such as GLive’s dirty underwear. From that moment on, I was in the country without any form of valid ID. The only thing I did have, was my Estonian ID-card, which only works as an ID in, well, yeah You guessed it – Estonia…



Rise of the Sluts

I’m from the last generation that remembers, what it was like before smart phones and the internet. Before technology took over, kids used to play outside all day. I was that kid, until computers consumed me too. These days I don’t see that many kids playing outside. They’re now either mastering the art of attention whoring on social media or playing games on their phones. I remember how people thought that the instant unlimited access to all of mankind’s knowledge would benefit everyone. That it would make everyone smarter. While it has given us some advantages, it’s also turned the average Jane and Joe into barely functioning zombies. They stopped developing themselves and started spending their time scrolling through their friends’ meaningless Facebook posts. Or sending out ‘likes’ to barely-clothed Insta-chicks.



Full Stop

A lot has changed in a very short amount of time. In fact, the whole World itself has changed in a matter of weeks. I keep waking up, thinking that I’m stuck in a dream of sorts. Well, slapping some cold water on my face doesn’t seem to get me out of this one. 



The Kiwi Experience

The crowds are cheering. Fireworks are going off as far as the eye can see. A new decade has just begun. Will it be better, than the last one? That depends of Your perspective. Personally for me though, 2019 was a hell of a journey. The personal progress I made, was, and still is, totally unfathomable to me. There were very few bad surprises and everything sort of played out as I’d planned it. But my 20/20 vision says, that this year’s gonna be the bomb. It’s time for me to put in the next gear and release that clutch. Life’s good, when Your gearbox is straight out of The Fast and The Furious franchise…



Deathproof

I’ve always had this weird relationship with death. I’ve had so many near-death experiences, that it’s even hard to remember each and every one of them. The funny thing about all of them is, that I’m still very much alive. Sometimes it feels as if I have some sort of a protective shield around me. But then that begs the question of how long is that shield going to last? And why the fuck would someone or something even bother protecting me? Is it all just pure luck? Or is it something else?



Land of the Long White Cloud

We all have dreams. Dreams are these ideals that people strive towards. Or they can be just that – dreams. You’ll often find yourself thinking how and if things were different. And what you’d be doing if you won a million dollars. Why is it so hard to make dreams come true? Well. We are built to chase instant pleasures. Easy fixes. The hard truth is, that most people never achieve their dreams. You do your daily tasks, while thinking about a sunny beach in Hawaii. And before You know it, it’s time to go to bed and right back to work. You close Your eyes for a minute and boom – 10 years have passed and You’re not even a step closer to that beach. They’re called dreams, because they’re idealistic situations. Great safe zones to escape to in Your mind, while You’re getting ready for Your next boring pre-planned part of Your daily routine. Most of these dreams require You to get off Your ass and start putting in the work towards them. You can visualize that shit all day, but if You haven’t moved a muscle by the end of the day, that’s as close as You’re going to get to catching any of those dreams.



Empty Promises

You know how they say, that opinions are like assholes, because everyone has them? Well I’m about to flash You mine big time. I realize, that I’m swimming against the tide with this post and most people don’t share my opinions, so this post needs to be taken with a grain of salt. If You end up offended, then that’s Your problem.