Buckle up, cunt! This one’s gonna be a proper rollercoaster, as is customary in this blog or should I say, my life.
Category: Identity
This is a story of how one lifelong retard accidentally found his natural environment and stumbled into a heavily calculated and regulated sciency field – The Stock Market. A place where rational people grow their money by applying logic and smarts to their investments. A place that is also more corrupt than your everyday politics. In fact it might actually be the most corrupt scene in the World, as most people don’t know that they’re actively being ripped off. I’ve always pictured my future self as a millionaire. And so I had wanted to get into investing (crypto, stocks or currency) for years, but I’d always postpone my research because of it’s massive fucking learning curve. But this time was different – I had a nearly unlimited amount of time on my hands. And so I arrived there at a random moment in space and time, when a bunch of retards were gambling their life savings on one particular stock – GameStop ($GME). I’d heard bits and pieces of something big happening in the stock market a week or two earlier, but I’d sort of managed to miss the early train. Or so I thought…
Imagine You’re a crab. And some 2-legged giant just caught You on a morning stroll and threw Your unsuspecting ass right into a bucket. You’re now in that bucket prison with a few other unlucky crabs. After listening to Your new crab-buddy Bob moan about his wife for a few hours, You’ve finally had it. All You’ve been thinking about is, if this is really how it ends for You. The more You listen to this idiot blabber about his problems, the more You realize, that You just can’t take this shit any longer. You’re a free individual after all. You’ve got so much better shit to do than this. You need to get the fuck outta there…
Have You ever had to spend a thousand hours doing nothing? Just being there, by Yourself, simply existing. The beginning is the hardest. First You’ll be overwhelmed by the amount of freedom You have. Your mind starts to race. You desperately start looking for new ways to entertain Yourself. To keep Your mind busy. You find Yourself procrastinating – playing mobile games, watching random shows. That’s when Your character comes into play. You either succumb to the nothingness and become that slob, who just exists or You realize that You’ve been handed an amazing opportunity to develop Yourself even further. With a strong enough will, You will break out of that procrastination cycle and actually do something with Your time. Most people never do that. Most people just become those slobs…
A lot has changed in a very short amount of time. In fact, the whole World itself has changed in a matter of weeks. I keep waking up, thinking that I’m stuck in a dream of sorts. Well, slapping some cold water on my face doesn’t seem to get me out of this one.
I’ve always had this weird relationship with death. I’ve had so many near-death experiences, that it’s even hard to remember each and every one of them. The funny thing about all of them is, that I’m still very much alive. Sometimes it feels as if I have some sort of a protective shield around me. But then that begs the question of how long is that shield going to last? And why the fuck would someone or something even bother protecting me? Is it all just pure luck? Or is it something else?
We all have dreams. Dreams are these ideals that people strive towards. Or they can be just that – dreams. You’ll often find yourself thinking how and if things were different. And what you’d be doing if you won a million dollars. Why is it so hard to make dreams come true? Well. We are built to chase instant pleasures. Easy fixes. The hard truth is, that most people never achieve their dreams. You do your daily tasks, while thinking about a sunny beach in Hawaii. And before You know it, it’s time to go to bed and right back to work. You close Your eyes for a minute and boom – 10 years have passed and You’re not even a step closer to that beach. They’re called dreams, because they’re idealistic situations. Great safe zones to escape to in Your mind, while You’re getting ready for Your next boring pre-planned part of Your daily routine. Most of these dreams require You to get off Your ass and start putting in the work towards them. You can visualize that shit all day, but if You haven’t moved a muscle by the end of the day, that’s as close as You’re going to get to catching any of those dreams.
Men and women are built differently. Aside from all the obvious physical and psychological differences, I’ve come to find, that the biggest difference lies in the opportunities both are offered. When I was still a teenager, older people around me often pointed out, how girls mature faster than boys. “Oh look at the young flowers blossom”, as one of my high-school teachers always used to say. Every senior class about to graduate, heard that comment. Some girls secretly called him a pervert behind his back and most students felt awkward. But he was right. They were blossoming. They had grown up. They had reached the start of their fertile young adult lives. And that held true for every single one of them. This wasn’t the case with the boys. The boys were still blank sheets. Sure, some boys were bigger and stronger. Others were the school stars. But in reality, none of them were actual men. They were still boys. They hadn’t been out to the world. This is what separates men from women. Girls seem to blossom into fertile women in a very short timespan. That’s not the case with boys. Boys don’t really suddenly transform into men. Men are made. They are moulded by everything they see and touch. By every fucked up hardship, they go through. And by every single experience point, they gather in the field of life. While women are valued by their fertility, men are valued by their status. And a man can only acquire status by rolling the dice and taking risks.
All men are essentially building their own little empires. Some men have lots of things going for them, others not so many. Sure You can be a pretty smart guy and have a well-toned body, but is that all You got? Men are materialistic and like to own things. There are some things that every respectable man should own – a reliable car, a pair of formal shoes, a good belt, a nice watch and a formal suit. But there is one more thing. And this one’s the hardest to acquire – his own place. And that’s not something You can pay for just by playing poker with friends…
When I started The Blog, I had something completely different in mind at first. I was full of anger, disappointment, hate, vengeance and every other negative feeling. I was in a pretty dark place. As I’ve been writing my stories, this whole project has, at the same time, been evolving into something completely different. Something more personal. We’ve been opening that shit pretty wide… I’m now at peace with myself and everything that happened. However. I started this blog to get the story of X out of my system. To overcome the effect X had over me. To become content with myself and help me change into a new man. Therefore I think it’s only fair, that I give the whole X story-arc the ending it deserves. And oh boy is she going out with a bang!